Bullshitman

Joey rubbed his eyes and yawned as the hotline next to his bed rang.

"The fucking President again?" he complained wearily "What does he want now?"

"Your country needs you once more, Bullshitman" the voice on the other end of the line informed him when he picked up "You are to travel to Moscow immediately and tell the Kremlin that America now has time travel capabilities. You will make them believe that, if they even think of hitting the nuke button, we'll go back to the day before and blow them off the map!"

"With respect sir, my grandmother ed away this morning and I need some time to grieve"

"She died again? That's the fourth time this week!" the President sighed with disappointment "As usual, I'm sorry for your loss. I guess this will have to wait"

"You'll still need to pay me for saving your ass for the thousandth time. I'd say a million dollars ought to cover it"

There was a short, confused pause on the other end of the line.

"Yes, that seems more than fair, Bullshitman. I'll have the money sent to your with immediate effect. On behalf of the nation, I thank you for your incredible and selfless efforts today!"

"Who was that?" the impossibly beautiful and completely naked blonde, whose name Joey had forgotten, asked him once he hung up. He had lured her to his place the previous night by informing her he was the hottest guy she had ever laid eyes on, and now she was cuddled up next to him in bed.

"It was Taylor Swift"

"What, THE Taylor Swift!" Blondie asked with joyous amazement.

"Yes, she's a close personal friend of mine" Joey shrugged casually as he lit a cigar.

"Oh wow, that's so awesome!" Blondie gushed "I don't suppose you could introduce me to her one day?"

"I already did, ?"

"Oh yeah, how could I forget that? It was the most incredible day of my life!"

"I'll bet it was. Do you her telling you if you sucked my dick enough times she'd name her next tour after you"

"Of course I do! That would be the coolest thing ever! Do you mind if I suck it now? I've never had a tour named after me before.."

"Knock yourself out!"

"Thanks Bullshitman, you really are the best!"

As Joey lay back and closed his eyes, it was hard not to conclude that his life was pretty damned good. Somehow though, there was a part of him that felt strangely empty. If she was still here, things might be different. She was the one person who had learned how to see through his bullshit. The constant voice in his head telling him to use his gift to make the world a better place for everyone in it. But she was gone now, and nothing seemed to matter anymore.

As Joey recalled, it was a year ago to the day that his life had changed forever...