One Year Earlier

"A cat stuck up a tree" Joey complained "I can't believe I am reporting on a fucking cat for the second time this week"

"Well this isn't exactly the Washington Post we're working for here" Kayleigh reminded him "How much do you think is likely to happen in Danbury, Connecticut on any given day?"

Kayleigh was the only friend Joey had at work, perhaps the only friend he had anywhere, and she might also have been the only reason he had stayed in such a godawful job for so long. She was just such a good pal, so funny and smart and....oh, who was he kidding?! She was super hot and Joey had fallen head-over-heels in love with her almost at first sight, like the hopelessly predictable dope that he was.

"I know, it's just....when I became a reporter it was because I wanted to make a difference to the world. I know that sounds silly, especially working here"

"It's not silly at all, it's irable" Kayleigh smiled back at him "And you still have plenty of time to accomplish that"

"Thanks, Kayleigh. Look, I don't know if you had any plans after work but I have two tickets for..."

"Hey Jones, time for you to stop flirting and do some actual work" Ted, Joey's asshole boss, blurted out as he charged into the room "It's probably a load of fucking nonsense but a lead is a lead"

"Well, that sounds promising" Joey sighed.

"Some wack job, most likely, has phoned us up and claimed a laboratory in town is being used by the Russians to manufacture a propaganda serum"

"A propaganda serum? What the fuck is that supposed to be?" Joey asked with incredulity.

"I don't fucking know, you apply it to your skin and whatever you say sounds more convincing, I guess" Ted shrugged "You're the reporter, you're supposed to find that crap out"

"Oh, come on, this is such obvious bullshit!"

"Probably, but it's your job to prove that, Jones, not to sit here bitching about it!"

"I'll go too" Kayleigh offered "Just in case things get tricky"

"Fine, it seems impossible to separate you two anyway" Ted waved an arm dismissively as he turned to leave the room "Just don't take all day. One of you is actually useful to me!"

"Fucking asshole!" Joey whispered once his boss was out of earshot.

"He could have been referring to you" Kayleigh tried to console her friend.

"Thanks, but we both know he wasn't"

The laboratory in question was only a few blocks away, and at least the walk there gave Joey a chance to spend some precious time alone with Kayleigh.

There were days when Joey felt like Kayleigh Preston was the only good thing in his life. Though he didn't know what he was even hanging around her for, as she only had platonic feelings for him, was undeniably out of his league, and was inevitably going to break his heart one day when she fell for some total douche bag or other. Still, for now, it was nice being in her company.

"This must be the place" Kayleigh realised as the pair approached a large, rather nondescript looking building "Look, the side door is just open and I can't see anyone around. We can probably sneak in!"

"Okay, but lets be careful about it" Joey, the significantly less intrepid of the two reporters, cautioned "I'm not ending up in some gulag for the sake of the Danbury Gazette!"

Kayleigh, however, had already slipped into the building, leaving Joey little choice but to follow her. When he entered, he was taken aback by what he saw. The room was deserted and virtually empty, save for a large vat that was full of a bubbling green goo.

"This is like something out of a cartoon" Kayleigh noted "You think that's supposed to be the serum?"

"It just looks like toy slime" Joey shook his head in annoyance "This whole thing is such a waste of time! I'd better take a photo anyway, so dipshit knows that we've been here"

As he walked towards the goo, the machine containing it started to splutter loudly and jolt a little.

"Be careful Joey!" Kayleigh called out.

It was too late, as the sides of the overfilled container burst, instantly submerging Joey in a sticky green liquid.