The Drow house

“Good evening everyone, we continue our gauntlet of three massive stories by returning back to the Waifu Catalog.”

“Pirate or cow-guy?”

“Pirate, Gina. Not enough time has ed for wrynn to resubmit.”

“Thank fuck for that.”

“You really like pirates, do you, Gina?”

“Yeah...let’s go with that.”

“Last time we left off, our daring drow hero just escaped ghoul island, and successfully overthrew his own captain.”

“I better see some sharks this time.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

A swarm of small green men and women stormed onto the ship, forcing my dispirited, exhausted crew to disembark with shouted words and brandished weapons. A second wave of goblins rushed below deck, securing any valuables they could find. They dragged my prisoners out of confinement, escorting them at knife point into a huddle along with the rest of the crew. On the rocky shore, the leader of the goblins jabbed his preferred weapon at me, demanding money.

“What?”

“Not exactly a good start into Book two. The Man’s promise has taken quite a beating and needs to be repaired. The only one who can apparently do that is a motley crew of goblin repairmen.”

“And these aren’t even cute goblins.”

I’ve been reliably informed that Rowe was a real knockout by goblin standards, if a bit skinny. Her grass green skin, messy black hair that dangled to her shoulders, and network of wrinkles formed by her constantly shifting and highly expressive face were the very picture of goblin beauty. Her mouth was full of razor sharp, uneven fangs, and her eyes were bright red orbs with huge black pupils that expanded when she was excited. Goblin beauty standards did not match my own, and the feeling was mutual. I've had absolutely no problem with ladies in my own size category, but when I’d been shrunk to her size once she’d looked me over briefly before pronouncing me “too skinny.”

“Ok, but like why not make the goblin hot! Does Jery not realize this is a porn story?”

“Gina please. With the ship in dire need of repairs, the crew has some downtime and engages in all manners of fun activities.”

“Sounds riveting.”

New Mission Pack Available: The Tower of the Last Baron

The only major trading partner of the Shackles faces an insidious threat! Travel to Sargava and resolve a siege before the town of Piren’s Bluff becomes a devastated battleground. In the process, you will make potentially valuable allies abroad.

“Your sarcasm is unfounded, Gina. Just as with ghoul island, the quests we are given are very intricate and exciting.”

Uh. No. I kinda have a lot of stuff I need to get done here in the Shackles. At least I know I have a choice in the matter. I was kinda worried I’d just get slapped with some epic quest and need to drop everything. I don’t like the idea of leaving some town to be devastated by war, but I have other shit to do in the exact opposite direction. Good luck, Piren’s Bluff. I hope things work out.

“Yeah, if the fucker would actually do them! But why do something cool when can also spend our days doing dumb sidequests? Because this is all that dumb drow is doing!”

“Well, this is not the only thing he is doing, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, don’t you even go there, Marcie. This guy views sex as work and you know it.”

“I think the word grind is more appropriate here...pfft.”

“...”

I opened up my achievements tab, and sagged with relief to see that the counter on the “killer of a thousand men” achievement had ticked up from 57 to 58. Killer of a Thousand Men was an ongoing task I’d been given, demanding that I personally end the lives of 1000 sapient creatures. I’d felt a bit queasy the first time I’d seen it, to be honest. I’d felt slightly better when I’d learned that sapient undead counted, and apparently called demons did too.

“And speaking of grind, Curtis is also grinding away at his other, less salacious, task by summoning literal demons from hell just to slaughter them for an achievement. Truly, the epitome of a gamer.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely gonna make him jump up on the scumbag list straight to Travis. But you know, at least that story had a cool vampire in it!”

We picked up several bolts of cloth that seemed like they would contrast well with my skin. Sosima was particularly enthusiastic about the one in cranberry red.

“We may not have a cool vampire. But we do have the next best thing with Emyr in this stylish outfit. Very dandy vampire chic.”

“Whatever the fuck that means, Marcie.”

“Beyond that, Emyr is up to his old tricks. From seducing a catgirl Pirate to seducing a non catgirl pirate, to help get a crewmate a new appendage, to committing a heist, he certainly keeps himself busy.”

“Don’t forget that he wants to fuck a bunch of woman in one giant orgy. This shit really is just one giant filler arc, huh?”

“Well Gina, we did just leave from a big main story event so I do think a bit of downtime is warranted.”

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“The only thing warranted is my disgust at this weird ass gibberish.”

“Ah yes, a failed picture link. Jery still insists on cumbersomly linking pictures instead of having them show up directly on page like a well adjusted member of society. It is rather obnoxious and will dock his social credit score once I take over the world.”

“What?”

“Eventually, the time comes to depart. Emyr even gives his new old ship a new name to commemorate the occasion.”

“Hooray.”

By noon, the Enterprise was well on its way.

“That...that works on so many levels! *swoon*”

“Oh, fucking hell. Not again, Marcie!”

“What can I say, Gina? Andy was a pleasant enough diversion. But Captain Curtis is the real deal. Heh, see what I did there?”

“No? Whatever, it took 18 Pirate chapters, which is 24 regular chapters, before we finally got that fucking ship sailing again.”

“Indeed, Emyr decides to at last venture out and do some proper pirating. And what could be more swashbuckling then help professional LARPer Ve’ra in locating a long forgotten pirate treasure?”

“Ok, that actually sounds like fun. Hopefully there isn’t a 30 pirate chapters long diversion before we get to the actual fun stuff.”

For the crime of polluting the ocean with the blood of demons, you have irritated the god of nature. Normally this would be harder to do, but the eyes of the gods are already upon you when you invoke Besmara as you have.

“Oh, wow! Turns out being a murderous psycho actually comes with consequences for once!”

“If the story does one thing very well, it is having believable stakes. Curtis, being an isekai protagonist, may have an unfair advantage but it never feels like he can simply cheat his way to victory.”

“And speaking of stakes. Emyr could use these right now. We met Drow boys in-laws and with in-laws I mean owners. They purchased Emy from his mother to be a **** husband for their daughter. Drows are fucking weird.”

“You have to it though, Gina, purchasing husbands is very convenient.”

“Stop idolizing the SM elves!”

10pm, 0 girls

“Ok, you can fuck right off.”

“An explanation is in order. Curtis finally decides he wants to go for the have sexual intercourse with 100 women perk and sets up a giant orgy to accomplish it.”

“It’s not really an orgy if you fuck them one after the other, is it now Marcie?”

“Well, I mean…”

“Face it, he’s basically a whore.”

“Yeeees.”

“Oh, wait. That’s actually a turn on for you.”

“Especially the part where he is speedrunning it.”

12:20am, 5 girls

“Uhu, he’s not very good at it though.”

1:42 am, 15 girls

“A poor start. But Curtis is picking up the pace now.”

“Well, good for him.”

I was careful to maintain the illusion for these women right up to the end. I didn’t want them to feel used after sleeping with me. They were people after all. Useful people.

“pfft…”

“Fuck’s sake, Marcie.”

“What can I say, Gina? Curtis is everything I want in a man. Smart, sexy, entrepreneurial. He even has people jumping out of paintings for him. Unlike a certain someone I could mention.”

“Let it go, Marcie.”

3am, 21st girl

“6 girls in 78 minutes. That is one per 13 minutes. On schedule, but he is slowing down. Someone needs to give Curtis purple bottom a spanking, so that he stops slacking off, hehehe...”

“Marcie, are you seriously getting off to this?”

“...maybe?”

Well she has another hole, right? Not the mouth, she seems like a biter.

“Don’t worry. No girls ever bite in porn stories.

3:30am 22 girls have been seen

“Disaster strikes when one of the clients decided to **** Curtis. Luckily he managed to recover with minimum time loss.”

"yay,"

5am, 26 women

“Even so, the slowdown is apparent. Hm, this could be an issue.”

“Not as big as an issue as my patience, which is about to snap!”

6am, 29 women

“Slightly better but still not on schedule.”

6:12 am, 32 women

“What is this? Am I to believe Curtis serviced three women in 12 minutes? That is one women every four minutes! Preposterous!”

“UURRGGGHH! Enough already! We're skipping forward! He succeeds! The end!”

“B-But I was just getting into it!”

Layer of a thousand women

Sleep with 1/2/5/10/20/50/100/200/500/1000 sexual partners

Progress: 100 partners

Perk associated with sex or romance at each breakpoint

perk unlocked: Total Stud.

Race changed from Drow to Drow Noble.

Dexterity bonus increased from +2 to +4

Intelligence Bonus +2

Wisdom Bonus +2

Spell Resistance increased from 10 to 15

Dancing Lights, Deeper Darkness, Faerie Fire, Charm Person, Feather Fall, and Levitate are now at-will

Detect Magic is now a ive ability

Divine Favor, Dispel Magic, and Suggestion spell like abilities now available 1/day

+5 on all Charisma based checks related to seduction of bloodline-conscious drow.

4 perk bonus: Gestalt Aristocrat; gain stats and abilities of the NPC class Aristocrat, as appropriate to your level

Related Mission detected

Without directly addressing it, convince Syl Lonegan to explicitly indulge in her greatest unexamined kink.

Reward: 1 Exp, 1 sexual reward.

5 perk bonus: Aristocrat Class upgraded to Phantom Thief Class

*squirt*

“And Marcie just squirted. I don’t know why and I don’t care to know why.”

“T-that was some magnificent questlog pornography…”

“And the fuck boy needs the upgrade. His family of Slaver elves wants him back home for a permanent vacation on the cotton plant.”

“Consequently, Curtis concocts convoluted conspiracy. Clear condition: Cleverly canceling cruel contract.”

“...who are you trying to impress, Marcie?”

“Step one: Voluntarily return to being a ****. Step Two: Escape from being a ****: Step Three. Pay off the outstanding debt you own and legally buy your freedom.”

“Everything about that is dumb as fuck.”

“It makes sense in context, Gina.”

“No I don’t get it. Nendra is cool. He should just arrange himself with his wife.”

“She fries his brain on a regular basis and body controls him, Gina.”

“Exactly. Why are you suddenly not into this?”

“I just masturbated.”

“Oh, that makes sense.””

In closing, it is my belief that the average goblin in the employ of Vorys D’Lann’Nes has a clearer vision for the value of a fire beetle than she does, would produce nearly twice the revenue, and would think himself a thief in the night if he could take home half of what she does.”

“Leave it to this fucker to go to an underground city full of sexy elves and spend his time talking about beetle farming.”

“Hm yes, the chapters in drow city do perhaps drag a bit.”

“You can say that twice.”

Boffer didn’t have fins; he didn’t actually swim any better than a human. He glanced back and saw it: a human-shark hybrid with layers of fat and muscle was gaining on him. It was hairless, with dark brown scales accented with red.

“HUSHARKS!”

“That is not a term, Gina.”

“It is now, Marcie. There are way too few Husharks in these stories. We had one fucking Hushark in five years! Roland in King Edward. THAT’S LITERALLY IT!”

“Alright, Gina. Calm down.”

“HUSHARKS!”

The heavy servant’s cloak concealed an unflatteringly baggy ankle length grey dress, which was in turn covering a male servant’s shirt and pants. Nendra’s eyes flashed at that, and she raised a hand as Mih’Tzi began to strip off the final layer.

“No.” She said, a manic grin spreading across her face. “Keep those on. He only needs one part of you. Kneel and prostrate yourself before me.”

“Oh myyyy…”

“Yeah, figures that you get off to that.”

“Maybe your affection towards Nendra is not entirely unfounded, Gina. I have to it, this girl knows how to have a good time.”

That was the thought that put the matter to rest. Not my humanity. Not instinctive revulsion at the idea of cold blooded ****. Practicality. The numbers didn’t line up, it would leave me with an outstanding debt that I couldn’t easily pay off, so Nendra got to live. A stone settled into my stomach.

“What a tsundere.”

“Yes, he is quite adorable.”

Probably for the best. She’s also the only one whose face I don’t get queasy looking at. She looks like a giant diseased rat, and somehow that’s way better than something more human. She’s got some of that ugly-cute thing going on.

“Or, hear me out, MAKE THE FUCKING RAT ACTUALLY CUTE! THERE’S LITERALLY AN ENTIRE SUBSET OF DEGENERATES JERKING IT TO MOUSEGIRLS. THIS IS A FUCKING PORN STORY, MAKE RODENTS SEXY AGAIN!

“There are some cute monstergirls in this, like Pepper, so the author clearly is familiar with the concept. He just chooses not to.”

“Welcome back, Cap’n.” She said, “Hasn’t been the same without you. By the by, could you have perhaps been a little more sensible about reentry? Who’s going to believe me when I tell ‘em you came in on a flying shark and fought off a whole ship single handed?”

“That wasn’t a shark!”

“Technically an Ekekeh is closer to a dolphin than a shark.”

“Exactly! Also, was the final battle of this arc just a giant Disney Reference?`”

“Yes, we went quite a while without one after all.”

“So, we’re done?”

“We are done, Gina.”

“…”

“What is it?”

“This is the point where I’m usually happy that we are done but…”

“Yes?”

“This wasn’t shit.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I don’t get it either, Marcie. I should hate this, but I don’t.”

“It is a very well crafted story with likable characters and a very engaging plot. Jery really did the impossible, take an Isekai power fantasy and give it weight.”

“Huh.”

“My one criticism would be that it suffers from some mild pacing issues but even that is not to an egregious level. “

“Oh hold on, Marcie. It’s the Husharks. That’s why I like the story. Everything else in it sucks. Obviously.”

“Perhaps I should have seen that coming. Whelp, time to close matters. And good timing too. I just received notice that there was a security breach at my manor.”

“You say this way too casual, Marcie.”

“Well, this story has me worked up quite a bit, Gina. I do need to find an outlet for all that pent up sexual energy.”

“Those poor fuckers.”