Bruce Payne, aka The Bratman

Thomas Payne was on top of the world. He was the owner and CEO of Super Payne Inc. (SPI), a multi-national holdings company that owns many subsidiaries, the chiefest of which are Paynekiller Pharmaceuticals, Payneless Healthcare, and Paynestaking Assurance. SPI dominates the healthcare sector by producing medicines, providing healthcare services, and providing insurance coverage to billions of people across the globe. It made Thomas Payne one of the richest people in the world with a net worth of $300 Billion.

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“I’m Mario Lugione! And my mother died of a staph infection because your insurance company wouldn’t pay for her stubbed toe you monster!” The young man in a trench-coat screamed before pulling out a small pistol and popping three bullets into Thomas Payne’s chest.

The assassin’s gun then jammed. As he fiddled with his gun, you and your father, Thomas, stared at each other in disbelief while the crowd around you screamed and scattered.

“D-Dad…?” You called out weakly.

“Um… I think I’ll be okay, son… He seems to have missed all of my vital organs,” Thomas mumbled while gingerly prodding his own bleeding chest.

“Oh for fucks sake!” Another stranger spat and elbowed his way through the panicked crowd. He shoved Mario Lugione aside and said, “I’m Toad Malone, muthafucka! And my brotha died because your hospital wouldn’t it him for a papercut, just because he ain’t got no insurance!”

Toad Malone then produced a sawed off shotgun from underneath his jacket and emptied both barrels into your dad.

Toad Malone proceeded to run away. Mario Lugione also scampered off. They left you, a 9-year-old snot-nosed kid, standing over your badly mangled father as he lay bleeding out on the street.

“Don’t worry kid,” your father gasped up at you. “Payne R&D has been working on some cutting edge stuff. I’ll be good as new in no time. Meanwhile, could you do me a favor and call your mother?”

“W-which one?” You sobbed.

Your father was about to answer but his eyes widened when two alarmingly young, sluttily-dressed goth-girls approached from across the street and stood over him. One was blonde and the other had dark brown hair.

“Fuck me…” Thomas Payne groaned.

“You gave us Gonorrhea, asshole,” said the brunette.

“And the pills you gave us aren’t vitamins. They’re abortion pills,” said the blonde.

“Nice try, mister,” the brunette added.

“Nobody knocks up Peachie and Daisie and tries to wiggle out of child ,” said the blonde.

Thomas Payne rolled his eyes and groaned, “Get a job, welfare princess...”

The brunette and blonde goth-girls exchanged glances. Then the brunette pulled out a hand grenade from her edgy, black purse.

“…is what a heartless guy would say,” your father quickly gasped, “But not me, I totally love kids! Ask this guy!”

The two young girls glanced sideways at you.

“P-pweese don kill mah d-daddy…” you sobbed.

“We met on Epstein’s Island,” the blonde girl said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“And he brings us to Diddy Parties,” the brunette added.

You instantly put your palms up and said, “WHOOOOOAA!!! I’M NOT TOUCHING THAT!”

Then you spun around and walked away down the street with both your palms still raised. You made it to the end of the street before you heard a loud BOOM go off behind you.

“I-I’ll avenge you dad…” you sniffled while fighting back the tears.

“Spare some change?” A homeless guy wheezed up at you from the corner sidewalk.

“G-get a job you b-bum,” you barely manage to sob while dabbing your eyes on the sleeve of your $20,000 Gucci shirt.

“That’s fair,” the bum replied and looked down glumly.

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After your father’s funeral, you felt like you needed to sort out your thoughts. So you stepped out of your mansion to play golf on your 3 acre mansion grounds.

However, while chasing down a squirrel with a golf club, you tripped into some bushes and fell into a hole that landed you in an enormous deep underground cavernous cave system underneath your mansion’s land. You brushed yourself off and started exploring the caverns.

As you stepped into a cave tunnel in the cavern walls, there was suddenly a chorus of screeches. A swarm of bats suddenly flew out of the cave, causing you to fall to the ground in terror.

As you shielded your eyes from the endless barrage of screeching bats, you felt like you were in a critical juncture in your life. Something was budding up within you, like you were on the verge of a life-defining epiphany.

Then something gleaming caught your eye deeper inside the cave and the moment ed.

You waved off the last remaining bats and pressed on deeper into the cave to find a large vault door that had been built into the solid rock cave walls. When you stood before the towering doors, several beams of light from unseen devices on the ceiling started scanning you from head to toe.

“Access Granted!” A computer voice boomed from hidden speakers.

The vault doors parted and an avalanche of gold coins, jewels, and bullions of precious metal spilled forth and buried you alive, Scrooge McDuck style.

As you struggled to dig yourself out of the oppressive weight of raw wealth, that life-defining epiphany which you’ve shrugged off earlier suddenly returned and hit you like… Well, like a ton of gold. You immediately felt a profound sense of liberation and purpose.

When you finally managed to wiggle out from underneath the landslide of gold coins, you rolled onto your back and giggled up at the dark, cavernous ceiling.

“So this is where you hid all those trillions of dollars that you won’t pay taxes on. Well played dad. Well played…” you said to no one in particular while flapping your arms and legs to imprint an angel shape into the gold coins and gems beneath you.

“You know what?” You declared to yourself, “I should totally go on a whole training arc, sigma-grindset style, and turn myself into a Gigachad that nobody can mess with. The people of this city totally needs someone to look up to… Which totally means someone needs to be there to look down on them. I’m the hero that this city deserves and needs. I’m their opulent guardian, their wealthy protector, their affluent savior… A Rich Knight.”

Then something made you wince. You raised your left hand to check your fingers and saw that you had broken a nail while trying to claw your way out from underneath the golden hoard earlier.

You quickly fished out your phone from your pocket and dialed a number. The call went through after a couple of rings.

“Brucie? Where are you, baby?” The gentle voice on the other end of the line said.

“Maaawmmmyyy?! I-I-I hurttt mah fingerrrrrr!” You bawled.