12 years later

After training crazy hard for 12 years, you achieved peak physical condition and you finally became the badass hero the city of Arcadia deserves at the young age of 21…

Nah, just kidding. Did you really think you were gonna travel all around the world anonymously like a hobo and eventually a secret assassin monastery and train in their exotic ninja ways to somehow fight crime with a no-kill rule?

Fuck that! That sounds tedious. And tedium is for poor people. You’re fucking rich!

Also, your moms would never allow it. After your father’s ****, they’ve become somewhat possessive and obsessively doting towards you. They even put a tracking chip inside your body to monitor your location and vitals.

Yes that’s right. Moms. Plural.

Say what you will about your dad, but the man’s got serious RIZZ. After divorcing your real mother when you were 3 years old, the old man seemed to withdraw into his work for several years. Then one day, bro just started pulling baddies left and right.

Your dad never remarried, but he eventually settled down with six women who basically became your stepmoms. And these weren’t just any ordinary women off the street either. Your father basically had a superheroine team as his harem.

First There was Aliscent Blackswann, aka, the CEO. She was ex-CIA, ex-NSA, ex-MI6, ex-KGB, ex-Mossad… Hell, it’ll probably be easier to list agencies that she isn’t part of. She was even part of organizations that had no names because they officially don’t exist. She even claimed to have been the President of United States for a term.

Aliscent specializes in behind the scenes manipulation and intelligence operations. She has a nifty power that allows her to morph her appearance to take on the likeness of anyone that she studies from afar. Furthermore, if she touches her targets, she can even copy their genetic signature and match their fingerprints, blood-type, and DNA. She can even obtain their memories and mannerisms, essentially becoming a perfect copy of her targets. Back in her day, they used to call her “Agent Template.”

Even before your father’s ****, Aliscent has been running all of his companies. She excels in managing people, politics, and organizations, whether it be clandestine or public, which makes her truly fearsome in a corporate boardroom. After your father’s ****, Aliscent succeeded him as CEO of Super Payne Inc. and became your official guardian.

Next, there was Freya Talbot, aka, the Genius. She’s a scientist, engineer, doctor… And probably every technical profession under the sun. She’s pretty much taken over all the research and development arms of your father’s companies and serves as CTO of Super Payne.

Freya has the ability of Technosynergykinesis. Technology just works better when she gets her hands on them. The utility and reliability of the tech she touches often extends beyond their intended limits and purpose. You’ve heard that she once landed a helicopter that had all of its main rotor blades blown off. Mind-bogglingly, under her hand, the tail rotor kept spinning in just the right way to carry the entire craft to safety.

Then there’s Melyna Alastor, aka the Countess. To be honest, this one scares you a little. Melyna’s specialty is magic. She was once called the Sovereign Sorceress Supreme and the Eldritch Witch of the Apocalypse back in the European middle ages. Your father had found her in a sarcophagus within a crypt and managed to revive her somehow. You’ve seen her do insane stuff from creating lightning storms and fire-tornadoes to summoning dragons and demons.

Till this day, you still can’t get the image of the tentacle monster out of your head.

Despite supposedly being ancient and wise, once someone handed Melyna a smartphone with Tiktok on it, the brainrot apparently changed her entire personality into a goth girl within just a couple of weeks.

Ancient wisdom can’t beat modern brainrot it seems.

Next up, there’s Jennifer Armstrong, aka the Astronaut. Jennifer can drive and operate pretty much any vehicle or machinery. She was an air-**** pilot who moonlights as a race car driver and motorcycle racer. Eventually she was tapped to pilot experimental spacecraft and thus became an astronaut.

After a freak incident in space, Jennifer somehow acquired psionic powers. She now possesses telepathy, telekinesis, teleportation, super speed, the ability to fly, and the ability to generate **** fields.

Your fifth mom is Alexandria Caeserion, aka, the Princess. Her father is the king of Atlantis, while her mother is the Queen of the Amazons. Both of these races are ancient and secretive. They live in hidden cities inaccessible to normal folk and whose existence are still widely considered a myth by the general public.

Their technological levels lag behind the rest of the earth, and they prefer to fight with medieval weaponry, albeit magical ones. However they also have divine protection and can invoke the ancient Olympian, Egyptian, and even Norse gods to aid them.

Both Atlanteans and Amazons possess superhuman strength, speed, and invulnerability. Alexandria has all these in spades, along with powers specific to each race. She has the Atlantean ability to breathe underwater, communicate with sea-life, sonar, and dark-vision. She also has the Amazonian ability to **** people to speak the truth, and the ability to charm males to do her bidding.

It is said the Amazonian civilization is purely matriarchal at the top and was built and maintained by a caste of charmed male slaves at the bottom.

Finally, there is Viktoria Volkova, aka, the Spy. Like Aliscent, she has a background in intelligence and clandestine work, but she was more of a boots-on-the ground operative. She ‘s a secret agent, assassin, saboteur, spy, and black-ops operative rolled into one.

Viktoria has the power to turn into an ethereal ghost-like entity and phase through pretty much anything. Assuming the ghost form gives her a speed boost. The power also gives her some degree of electrokinesis. She can absorb electricity and electrocute people with her ‘ghost’ touch. She can also use that electricity to charge her body’s surface in order to statically stick to surfaces like a bug, thus enabling her to climb or walk on almost anything. You’ve even seen her run on water. Also, she can merge with electrical currents, allowing her to enter and travel via power lines at the speed of electricity.

That’s cool and all, but why do all your stepmoms dress so slutty?

Fuck if you know. All you knew was these women were all lethal, serious, and business-like once upon a time. To some degree, they still are. But ever since they met your father, they started developing and exhibiting a slutty bimbo side. They were always struting around in micro-skirts and g-string thongs in your mansion, that is, if they even deign to get dressed at all. It drives you nuts.

Anyways, put these six hot supermoms together with a dream to be a superhero, and what do you get?

You get six lifetimes of real-world hero experience compressed into 9 years of ‘education,’ distilled from six masters of their craft, all delivered via a gamified Virtual Reality experience and a series of Matrix-style “I know kung-fu” brain protocols.

Yeah, you basically spent 9 years cooped up in your mansion gaming in a virtual reality setup while being hooked up to vats of experimental super-soldier serum infused energy drinks before ultimately emerging a Gigachad.

And to think some people recommended you to at least hit the gym to start your hero-training arc. LOL. How much does a private gym cost? $3 million? $10 million? You could probably stretch it to $100 million if you insist on using pure gold weights, but…

NAH.

NOT. EXPENSIVE. ENOUGH.

The whole gaming/training/doping rig only cost $21 Billion to develop and build. And it’s all thanks to your genius mom, Freya. It’s also thanks to Freya that you get this ostentatious $67 Billion, bleeding-edge, cybernetic nano-suit to strut around the city in:

You proceeded to make your hero debut when you turned 18 years of age. You called yourself the Golden Savior and went about kicking villain ass, konking them out with solid-gold bars, and fighting serious crime like homelessness for the next 3 years up to the present, when you turned 21 years of age.

However, you were so obnoxious and such a show-off with your golden Saviormobile, and golden Saviorbike, and golden Saviorjet…

And a golden luxury ultra-yacht called the Saviorboat, and a golden submarine called the Saviorsub, and humongous golden Saviorblimp airship…

Oh, and a massive golden ultratall skyscraper called Saviorspire - which basically just serves as your garage and storage for all your other golden toys, right in the middle of downtown Arcadia where there is a full-blown housing crisis…

Well, you get the point. It turns out the people of Arcadia would much rather just call you the ‘Golden Brat.’

Pretty soon, they even shortened that name and just started calling you ‘The Bratman.’ The media just ran with it, and the name has stuck since.

Sigh… The things you put up with while being the symbol of financial hope and paragon of prosperity.

No matter. You are magnanimous enough to accept that it’s a small price to pay to give the masses a whiff of the American Dream on a daily basis. You’re pretty sure that’s exactly what they want, because a bunch of them always go around claiming to want to ‘Eat the Rich.’

Which you totally vibe with, really.

But unfortunately, you fight crime all day in a sweaty skin-tight nanosuit. And even though these people might not mind the flavor, you aren’t into receiving tongue-on-ass play, unless it’s from hot chicks. So you resolved to give them the next best thing. A daily view of the golden-clad ‘rich’ ass that they so wish to eat out.

And that is why you always pose for media shots with your back and ass to the camera while looking over your shoulder and flashing a thumbs up before mouthing your catchphrase - “Git rich, citizen!”

And the people seem to absolutely love it! Some NPR media talking-head got so worked up about it that he got red in the face and called you “Arcadia’s Ass,” on air.

Honestly, that’s the best thing you’ve ever heard.

Hell yeah. That IS Arcadia’s ASS!

Really though, it’s the least you could do. The knowledge that they’ll never truly get to taste your rich ass weighs on your heart daily, but as poor people often say…

It’s the thought that counts.